fading smile into the ocean?

To those of you who have known me for a long time have know what a great and difficult transformation i have recently went through in the last year. I have been so much happier, so much more at peace with myself and the world around me.

I have come to a point in the last month where I can feel a pull of some sort, the peace I once felt has slowly drifted just to the outside of my realm of being. Its weird to feel this way after a year of avoidance of these feelings of doubt and disharmony.

The smile that was once a permanent resident of my face for the past year has slowly began to fade and honestly it scares me. I am still happy with who I am and where I am going bu I can feel the doubt slowly creeping in and to stop it has been so hard. I have started to worry more about my actions, Worry about what others think, and I am doubting myself and it scares me. I dont want to go back to the life I was living before, I am striving to live for my future and to live for today, I am striving to live the gospel and working hard to become the person Heavenly Father wants me to be. I dont want to take any steps backwards in this journey and I cant let these feelings continue.

I am fighting the waves of lifes ocean to stay above the surface and still be able to breathe, but as in any wave there is a breaking point... Im hoping I can ride this wav out on top so that when the crashing wave reaches that point I will be able to ride it to the shore.

I cant let go of this smile that for so long I had never truly know, The smile that I went through Hell and back to achieve, a smile that took the love of myself for myself to achieve. I cant let go I worked to hard and too many years for it. I wont let it slip beneath the ways to become another sunken treasure in the ocean of my life.