Recently I had a discussion with a guy who had become one of my best friends, we had bceome really really close. My mistake is that I fell for him, not at first but after the first time we kissed I fell for him, I told him how I felt but decided we would jsut be friends. I was ok with that, I slowly got over liking him, but... then it that all changed, we made out adn i was like well what the heck, you dont make out with your "friends", I thought ok maybe this was just a one time thing caught up in the moment thing, but it happened 2 more times after that, and holding hands like we did was not something "friends" do, I was confused at what was going on, asked myself "what are we doing?" "what are we?" so I decided to find out, well yeah stepped in a pile of crap on that one, he made me feel like it was my fault, I think i remeber it being said that he believed what we were doing was wrong and he was just going along with me... WTF is that.... Whatever, the only thing that matters is that I love myself, I think thats what makes this time harder, because I have found respect and love for myself and thought that maybe just someone else did too, like me as more than a friend, I Love myself and to let myself get hurt was a mistake I should have prepared for. BUT... at least I am learning lessons, I was told that every trial and every breakdown we have in life is a new begining a time to start new and begin with a clean slate. My best friend of the last what i think 6 yrs told me last night that its time to stop trying to help everyone else and to help myself and focus on me, So I know he is right and its time for me to refocus and not lose sight of my goals. He also told me that I need to figure out what i want in life and figure out how to get it, well I thought about it, and the one thing i want I know i can never have, but career wise my dreams and goals of becoming a Singer will come true, I will make the sacrifices that are needed to become the one thing I have only dreamed of being. I realized this morning as I looked at before and after photos from last year to this year That I am freakin hot! I mean I look amazing, and After i reach my final goal weight and get some palstic surgery done in January Watch out is all I have to say. the funny thing is, even though Im still in love with my best friend, I am learning to live with it and make it something different, I am going to allow myself to leave my comfort zone, I am gonna get out and see the world, I read some of the book of mormon this morning and read about temples and realize that I do still have a testimony, I know that the my choice of being LDS was the right one, I know that the church is true and that I am more able to cope with things being a member and having something to believe in, I Do BELIEVE with all my heart, Change is coming and its for the better!
in the words of Dolly Parton
NOW WE DONT KNOW WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE
BUT WEVE SEEN ENOUGH HELL RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW
BUT WHEN THE ROAD IS THE ROUGHEST
AND THE PROBLEMS ARE THE TOUGHEST
OR WHEN THE TIMES ARE THE HARDEST
AND THAT OLE SKY IS THE DARKEST
YOU GOTTA KEEP THE FAITH CUZ I BELIEVE THERES A BETTER DAY
AND THOSE OL BLUES WHY THERE JUS GONNA ROLL RIGHT ON AWAY
I KNOW THEY ARE LISTEN TO ME
ALL THATS BLUE AINT SKY AND SEA
SOME OF THAT BLUES BOUND TO GET ON ME
BUT THE BLUES DONT COME TO STAY
THEYLL MOVE AWAY ON A BETTER DAY
TROUBLES AND WOES AND MISERY
AINT GONNA GET THE BEST OF ME
LIFT THE SHADES FIX MY GAZE
ON A BETTER DAY CLEAR AWAY
BETTER DAYS JUST UP AHEAD
WHEN SORROW AINT SLEEPIN IN MY BED
WHEN PEOPLE AINT MESSIN WITH MY HEAD
THERES A BETTER WAY THERES A BRIGHTER DAY
OH THERES A BETTER DAY WITH CLEARER SKIES
HOPE AND PROMIS ON THE RISE
OH THE FUTURE WELL ITS LOOKIN BRIGHT ON A BETTER DAY
LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY
THERES A BETTER DAY
BETTER DAYS JUST UP AHEAD
WHEN SORROW AINT SLEEPIN IN MY BED
WHEN PEOPLE AINT MESSIN WITH MY HEAD
THERES A BETTER DAY THERES A BETTER DAY
OH ALL THATS BLUE IT AINT SKY AND SEA
SOME OF THAT BLUES GONNA FALL ON ME
OH THE FUTURES LOOKIN BRIGHT
THERES A BETTER DAY LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY
THANKS DOLLY FOR THIS SONG
THANKS TO MY BEST FRIEND <3
THANKS TO HEAVENLY FATHER FOR BEING THERE AND LOVING ME EVEN AFTER I STRAY FROM THE PATH.
I AM THANKFUL FOR REPENTANCE AND THE ATONEMENT OF CHRIST
ITS TIME TO MOVE FORWARD, ONWARD, AND UP WARD, TIME TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS AND RIDE IT TILL IT BREAKS, I WILL ACCOMPLISH EVERYTHING I SET FORTH TO DO AND I WILL SHOW EVERYONE THAT I AM NOT A FORCE TO MESS WITH
I AM AN AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, LOYAL, GENUINE, ENCOURAGING, LOVING, CARING, DEVOTED, DEDICATED, SUPPORTING, HUMOROUS, ADVENTUROUS, SPONTANEOUS, LOCQUACIOUS, ENERGETIC, MUSICAL, ROMANTIC, SEXY YOUNG WOMAN
WHO WILL NOW NOT LET ANYTHING STOP HER!
