TWO STONES ONE BIG STAINED GLASS LIFE

life can be as fragile as a stained glass window at times. Think about it we work through life picking out the good times and keeping them to get us through adding these beautiful pieces to our window and when one breaks or the piece doesnt fit we set it aside and continue on to the next piec in order to complete the big picture that the window should become, like and image of christ, modeling our lifes so that each piece in the end will come as close to a resemblence of the christs life was. we may not always have the exact pieces but they can come close. and at times we may lose some pieces and have to search for them. Then when we finally get it done things are looking great and we put the window out on display to share with the world and set an example, working hard to protect it from the bumps in the road as we transport it  place to place just to arrive at a destination. a destination we think is safe somewhere we are comfortable, and feel safe and then out of no where two rocks fly out of nowhere and shatter all the hard work you have put into your beautiful window (life) those rocks can represent anything (alcohol, immorality, cussing, drama, gossip, or anything really) its those times when you look at the hard work shattered on the floor with only a little of the window left still clinging on to the frame, and this isnt the first time, everytime you take your window out it gets shattered.

this to me is like life, people overexaggerate things that were said, friends talk about friends behind their backs yet when caught deny it to their face. friends leave other friends out, feelings get hurt, things get blown out of proportion, people make other people feel stupid, fake or inadequate, feelings get hurt, people give into temptations and allow their inhibitions go, regret sets in afterwards and can eat away at a persons soul, people let the words and actions of others bring them down, stress them out and build up inside with a feeling of worthlessness. some people relapse to hurting themselves to feel better, whether they hurt themselves mentally or physically its still damaging.

hearing "your fat" or being rejected or judged because you are overweight takes its toll over time, leads to eating disorders and other addictions to heal from the pain that is caused. people in need of a release form overwhelming pain will turn to other things that will hurt worse and just cause more pain in the end I know from expeirence.

I talked to an old friend today who gave me some good advice and really uplifted my spirits from the Drama that is going on and from the pain and stress I have been dealing with the last couple months. he said to me " dont let the actions and words of others dictate how you feel about yourself, you are who you are and ou my dear are a beautiful smart daughter of god." we talked awhile and we discussed how hearing that you are no good enough, not pretty enough or not skinny enough can take its toll on a person and it was nice to hear (from a guy) " that you are smart enough, and you are beautiful thats for sure..." it was a little sunshine in a day that started out with clouds, fog, thunder lightning, a hurricane, a tornado, a few eathquakes, and a wildfire. Im glad I was able to have a conversation with someone who lives no where near here, and who always has positivity and love. I am grateful for heavenly father for giving me that sunshine today. he also bore his testimony of the church to me and helped me to realize that all I really need in life is my testimony and my faith, and everything else will fall into place as it should, I vow from this day forward to work my hardest to stay true to my faith, read my scriptures and follow the doctrines and the holy spirit.

I believe that everytime someone throws a rock through our beautiful stained glass windows of life, everytime we put forth the effort to rebuild it we make it that much stronger so that each time a rock is thrown again less and less of the window breaks and it is easier to fix/mend each time, unti leventually we will have built our windows (lives) so strong that nothing will be able to break it and it will last on into eternity with us!

I love you all
I know the LDS church is true
I know the scriptures can help guide us through the trials (blessings) in life
I know that we become stronger everytime we fall and get back up
I have a testimony of the greatness of the atonement of christ
I know heavenly father knows each of us individually and loves us all personally
in jesus name
AMEN!

as the white owl flies at night

So I decided to update my blog and lately I have seriously been dwelling on one thing. I have been Engrossed in White Owls and their symbolism.

Let me explain. Every night as I am driving no matter where I am A white owl flies along with my car and then takes off. This has been going on for a long time. I have encountered White owls my entire life Even when I am out walking at night I have seen white owls. So I decided to study them and their symbolism in different cultures.

Greeks, Romans, and Celts used the White Owl as symbol of:

Psychic Powers
Spirituality
The Angel of Death
The "Goddess" of night
Asian and European cultures used the Owl as a symbol of Wisdom and spiritualism.
I also found some interesting connections: My name Jennifer is derived from the ancient name Guinnevere and I tied that to King Arthur's Queen Guinnevere's name = "White Shadow" - Her symbol was the White Owl. I found that fanscinating

I have also found that a white owl is the messenger of death in alot of cultures which is a little scary since i see them every night.

I have also found another interesting point that in African culture the Owl Represents Wizardry and or witchcraft.

The white owl does not scare me I have come to adopt it as my spirit animal as my dear friend. I will always keep white owls close to my heart. They are wise beautifu land majestic.

If you have heard anything interesting about white owls let me know add a comment below...

Tommorow will be a better day and the sun will shine

Recently I had a discussion with a guy who had become one of my best friends, we had bceome really really close. My mistake is that I fell for him, not at first but after the first time we kissed I fell for him, I told him how I felt but decided we would jsut be friends. I was ok with that, I slowly got over liking him, but... then it that all changed, we made out adn i was like well what the heck, you dont make out with your "friends", I thought ok maybe this was just a one time thing caught up in the moment thing, but it happened 2 more times after that, and holding hands like we did was not something "friends" do, I was confused at what was going on, asked myself "what are we doing?" "what are we?" so I decided to find out, well yeah stepped in a pile of crap on that one, he made me feel like it was my fault, I think i remeber it being said that he believed what we were doing was wrong and he was just going along with me... WTF is that.... Whatever, the only thing that matters is that I love myself, I think thats what makes this time harder, because I have found respect and love for myself and thought that maybe just someone else did too, like me as more than a friend, I Love myself and to let myself get hurt was a mistake I should have prepared for. BUT... at least I am learning lessons, I was told that every trial and every breakdown we have in life is a new begining a time to start new and begin with a clean slate. My best friend of the last what i think 6 yrs told me last night that its time to stop trying to help everyone else and to help myself and focus on me, So I know he is right and its time for me to refocus and not lose sight of my goals. He also told me that I need to figure out what i want in life and figure out how to get it, well I thought about it, and the one thing i want I know i can never have, but career wise my dreams and goals of becoming a Singer will come true, I will make the sacrifices that are needed to become the one thing I have only dreamed of being. I realized this morning as I looked at before and after photos from last year to this year That I am freakin hot! I mean I look amazing, and After i reach my final goal weight and get some palstic surgery done in January Watch out is all I have to say. the funny thing is, even though Im still in love with my best friend, I am learning to live with it and make it something different, I am going to allow myself to leave my comfort zone, I am gonna get out and see the world, I read some of the book of mormon this morning and read about temples and realize that I do still have a testimony, I know that the my choice of being  LDS was the right one, I know that the church is true and that I am more able to cope with things being a member and having something to believe in, I  Do BELIEVE with all my heart, Change is coming and its for the better!

in the words of Dolly Parton

NOW WE DONT KNOW WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE

BUT WEVE SEEN ENOUGH HELL RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW

BUT WHEN THE ROAD IS THE ROUGHEST

AND THE PROBLEMS ARE THE TOUGHEST

OR WHEN THE TIMES ARE THE HARDEST

AND THAT OLE SKY IS THE DARKEST

YOU GOTTA KEEP THE FAITH CUZ I BELIEVE THERES A BETTER DAY

AND THOSE OL BLUES WHY THERE JUS GONNA ROLL RIGHT ON AWAY

I KNOW THEY ARE LISTEN TO ME

ALL THATS BLUE AINT SKY AND SEA

SOME OF THAT BLUES BOUND TO GET ON ME

BUT THE BLUES DONT COME TO STAY

THEYLL MOVE AWAY ON A BETTER DAY

TROUBLES AND WOES AND MISERY

AINT GONNA GET THE BEST OF ME

LIFT THE SHADES FIX MY GAZE

ON A BETTER DAY CLEAR AWAY

BETTER DAYS JUST UP AHEAD

WHEN SORROW AINT SLEEPIN IN MY BED

WHEN PEOPLE AINT MESSIN WITH MY HEAD

THERES A BETTER WAY THERES A BRIGHTER DAY

OH THERES A BETTER DAY WITH CLEARER SKIES

HOPE AND PROMIS ON THE RISE

OH THE FUTURE WELL ITS LOOKIN BRIGHT ON A BETTER DAY

LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY

THERES A BETTER DAY

BETTER DAYS JUST UP AHEAD

WHEN SORROW AINT SLEEPIN IN MY BED

WHEN PEOPLE AINT MESSIN WITH MY HEAD

THERES A BETTER DAY THERES A BETTER DAY

OH ALL THATS BLUE IT AINT SKY AND SEA

SOME OF THAT BLUES GONNA FALL ON ME

OH THE FUTURES LOOKIN BRIGHT

THERES A BETTER DAY LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY

THANKS DOLLY FOR THIS SONG

THANKS TO MY BEST FRIEND <3

THANKS TO HEAVENLY FATHER FOR BEING THERE AND LOVING ME EVEN AFTER I STRAY FROM THE PATH.

I AM THANKFUL FOR REPENTANCE AND THE ATONEMENT OF CHRIST

ITS TIME TO MOVE FORWARD, ONWARD, AND UP WARD, TIME TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS AND RIDE IT TILL IT BREAKS, I WILL ACCOMPLISH EVERYTHING I SET FORTH TO DO AND I WILL SHOW EVERYONE THAT I AM NOT A FORCE TO MESS WITH

I AM AN AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, LOYAL, GENUINE, ENCOURAGING, LOVING, CARING, DEVOTED, DEDICATED, SUPPORTING, HUMOROUS, ADVENTUROUS, SPONTANEOUS, LOCQUACIOUS, ENERGETIC, MUSICAL, ROMANTIC, SEXY YOUNG WOMAN

WHO WILL NOW NOT LET ANYTHING STOP HER!

Summer time heartbreak and concert tour

SO wow!  this summer has started of very interesting! but I am having a blast even amidst dealing with an oncoming broken heart that I see will soon be happening.... Its just hard when that heartbreak is gonna come from one of your best friends, but it is my fault, I had to go and spend so much time with this guy and start having feelings for him but what did I expect when you hold hands, kiss and wake up next to each other. I just wish I hadnt let myself go, Ill just keep reminding myself that I dont want history to repeat itself! That and still being in love with the guy who has been my best friend for the last what 6 years or something. but looking into the future I know there is so much greatness ahead of me that I wont let myself get down and I gotta keep treking onward! This summer has so far been full of awesomeness. I won a 100 year pass to the stanislaus county fair so i went to the concerts I saw Clint Black, Clay Walker, Joan Jett and last night I got to see Heidi newfield and Joe Nichols! man Joe Nichols is SOOOO HOT... I got a guitar pick from him... he is one hot singer!!!! Tonight I am going to the Dolly Parton Concert in Concord! Im super excited, Im hoping I can somehow get backstage! It has been my life long dream to meet her and I hope that someday that dream will come true!  I look forward to the res tof the summer, More cocnerts, Hot August Nights in Reno, Las Vegas, Maybe a Cruise, Camping at the lake, Wave runners and maybe just maybe I will find someone who will love me back instead of me just loving them... Plus I will be getting closer to my weightloss goasl and preparing for my future! maybe even get a house.
here is a before and after picture...
July 2010- July 2011

See you in my next blog! luv ya!

Living amogst the unicorns

Life is such a funny thing sometimes, but Boy am i glad to have had every experience good and bad. all experiences are blessings, Trials make us stronger and the good times remind us that there is something more to this life! I look and realize that each one of us is unique we all have special gifts and talents to share with the world.

Life has been really hard for me Lately I look and feel like im living in a world of uinicorns, surrounded by beautiful thin woman, and handsome sexy men,  looks I have dreamed about, features I want to see in myself, But I can never live up to the social expectations of becoming a unicorn, for one reason! THEY DONT EXIST! No one on this earth is perfect, everyone is flawed in some way. I met the most beautiful girl the other day, She was a model for a high end fashion magazine and books many shows and has even posed in playboy. She was beautiful, perfect body (plastic surgery) perfect hair ( dyed ) and pefect clothes (debt) BUT she had no personality she was rude, stuck up, didnt care about anyone else, and had no morals or standards, the attitude that she was better than everyone and people should worship her, WELL hunny guess what, She became UGLY to me after that. If being beautiful and accepted by society and being loved means, becoming a fake, plastic, barbie doll who has major credit card debt well screw that.

I will take being myself, a loving, caring, loyal, talented, amazing, dedicated, friendly, spontanious, adventurous, exciting, musical, charitable, amazingly awesome, average girl I am now. I have the most amazing personality and amazing talent to share with the world.

I dont need to be a perfect to be a unicorn. beacause I am beautiful and I am majestic, dag nabbit I am a unicorn... I am unique and proud of it.

I just finished my first single call Dont be afraid to love me, and I dedicated it to all thos guys who rejected me because I wasnt thin enough or model enough for them, I need a real man anyways who can be kind, caring, sing, and is strong enough to love me, I dont think any of the guys I know are good enough for me, I need someone who is amazing. SOMEDAY. but my first single is dedicated to those who would not even given me a chance and judged this book on its cover. cuz by the end of the year they are gonna SO REGRET IT!!! :) sorry y'all missed out if you are reading this and you will know who you are...

oh and p.s. I hate that im still head over heels in love with him... GRR will it ever go away!! hahaha

Flying to the moon lyric to lyric

I remeber when we first started talking, you sent me a link to a youtube video, The song was Just a dream, I listened to that song and ever since that one song Music has been a connection.Why I decided to hang out with you in the first place I will never know, your not the kind of person I usually would want to associate with especially based on my history. I did it anyways, maybe I cared to much because I knew you didnt really have anyone, maybe my heart felt for you and I never want anyone to feel alone. We hung out all the time, listening to music till the late hours, sitting by the fire, or hitting up karaoke. It was nice to have someone want to hang out with me, It was nice to have someone to accompany me to go to Karaoke. We texted each other all the time, I enjoyed the randomness, and the craziness that ensued between us. I enjoyed the late night video games, I enjoyed kissing you, I enjoyed holding hands, I enjoyed cuddleing, most of all I enjoyed just being with you, and the moments of just talking. You are so attractive and I made the mistake of falling for you, but lesson learned never kiss someone you are not dating because you may fall for them and they prolly wont... You flew me to the moon with songs and lyrics, it was written in the stars, Im addicted and i just cant get enough. Im not afraid of you, and that one night you flew me to the moon, you made me feel as if I were a woman, beautiful and wanted. but that all changed, slowly slipped away, return to earth, boring and lame, you changed, told me I was nobody, that I wasnt even a girl, you brought me back to reality, i guess I was hoping for too much, I thought maybe it was real, but you were just leading me on and playing with my heart, well I think I left a piece back on the moon, amongst all the lyrics and pictures we shared on our adventure of randomness.

Fire uner your blog

Sitting around the Fire and Thinking about how much i wish he was here. Its sad how we find a connection with someone and it ends up being more pain then joy. That when you really want to be with someone you arent even given the chance... It sad how so many judge someone solely based on there looks and write them off as just nobody. Its sad how many times we walk through the fire to help someone out and they dont give you anything in return. walking that fire for that one person you like can become addicting, and hence you become addicted to that person and when your the only person in their life it turns out that even thought you give them so much they dont want you at all. they play with your heart and then take back everything they ever said and all the actions that ever took and throw them in the fire along with your emotions and even though you want to give them the world they dont want to take it, and even though you have the most to offer, and amazing, beautiful, talented, loyal, loving, dedicated person who has everything to offer no one wants it unless wrapped in the perfect little package... SCREW that and screw all those people who threw me into the fire, treated me as a passing ember, forget anyone who played and broke my heart!
its your turn to walk the fire, Im already a pro so good luck catching me, when I am that perfect girl and you realize what you coul have had, it will be too late!