We have to go through this life with an idea of what we want to accomplish but we will never have a full script that allows us to know the whole story.So Life is left best unscripted and when coming upon a fork in the road and asked which way to go. my response "neither left nor right keep on going straight and make your own path :) its more fun that way!"
Thursday, May 12, 2011
New destinations of a buterfly
So I received a text message from a friend that said "lust of a butterfly". I looked at that and thought how fitting for the situation I am in. because this friend has become more to me than that, he knows I like him because I have told him, however like most of the male species he is Shallow, Vain, Egotistical, and superficial. I am so fed up with guys treating me as if i am not a girl, like im one of the boys, as if im nobody.... I dont know why, is it becuase I am not the hott girl they are looking for, that "unicorn" per say the girl that is skinny, and beautiful, (perfect)..... it sucks being me stuck in this body that was givin to me. For some reason I was meant to go thru life like this, I look back a see that for most of my childhood and on I have been overweight, dont know why, I have struggled with this my entire life, the issues surrounding it, the medical aspects, but there really is only one great explanation, I was meant to be up until now this way, to go thru the things I went thru, to become more sympathetic to others, to be more caring and loving, to understand what people are going thru that maybe in the future through my music and career I can uplift others and hep them thru the things they are going thru.
I have lost 110 lbs so far, Im close to my goal now 90 more to go.....sometimes I wonder what is going to happen when i do reach my goal, will people act or treat me different , maybe... I wonder if you realize how many times a day i think about ( is the only reason he wont date me because Im a fat cow?) I think about that constantly.... I mean when you have a friendship and are close to someone, where you can talk about anything, you have complete trust in each other, you enjoy spending time with each other, you laugh and have fun, among other things.... so what is the problem.... i mean really, is that it, Im not "THAT GIRL" the one that is (HOT) in terms of todays societal expectation of what a woman should look like. I mean come on why do men have to be so stupid, Why cant they get past their own superficial and shallow brains and see that, they are missing out on an amazing, talented, accomplished, smart, adventurous, spontaneous, and beautiful woman. I have alot planned for the future and someday I will be able to share that with someone.
I look forward to the day when I reach my goals and look back to see that just maybe that little glimmer in the eyes of so many who broke my heart the thought that "HMMMM how did i not see that coming?"
This will be me someday... I will reach my goals.... this is the day I look forward too...
all i have to say is looks come and go and fade with time, but the true beauty of a heart divine never ends" I have come to realize that my heart is loyal to those i love, My heart has an endless capacity for love and is just waiting to share that with someone who will give me a chance, someone who is man enough to not miss out on a rare oppurtunity. Just like a butterfly I am still a catapillar... but am building a cacoon and when I reach the end of this year I will emerge a butterfly, and when that happens there will be no stopping me!
I wrote a poem based on this text message I received and I love it.