Thursday, September 30, 2010

Life thru a broken mirror

January 16, 1985. A baby was born in modesto, CA. she was a beautiful baby girl, 10 lbs 10 oz. big baby. little did she know but that would follow her throughout life. the baby was named Jennifer. Oh wait haha thats me! Yes so this is my story please read, enjoy and learn something!

I have always struggled with my weight even when I was younger I was always being teased. I remeber going thru the end of elementry school 4th and 5th grade. Bigger than al lthe rest of the kids in my classes. one thing I remeber is not wanting to go to recess because this group of kids would always surround me and call me blimb and hot air balloon. It was a tought thing at that young age to realize that people were getting entertainment out of making fun of me. I had enough and by the middle of my 5th grade year I had no real friends, gave up playing the clarinet and piano and secluded myself, spending lunch in a corner eating alone, and not goin to the playground. I hated particpating in school activities and then i started getting depressed.

Well then we graduated 5th grade and moved on to middle school. I had a couple "friends" and one best friend Amy Lynn (you can read about her in my other blog post). Well moving into 6th grade I dont remeber much other than winning some writing competition for a short story I wrote. 7th grade is a blur. Now 8th grade here is when things get weird. Well My friend Amy starts dating this guy Bruce, whom we both thought was cute, and had met at a basketball game, and begins homeschooling. I miss her at school and spend most of my time alone, or in the foreign language club. Well 8th grade graduation dance!! So this is my first expeirence with Karaoke and I will never forget singing the Eye of the Tiger at the dance. Well we graduate 8th grade and now comes Highschool!!! WOW... well I get my license and start driving the truck. I begin to be more popular with my "friends" ( cuz i can drive and they cant). well i begin the year hanging out with all the punk kids, goths and rebels, yep I even conformed to that gothic way of dress and makeup :). Well I soon find that Bruce, Amys now Ex. boyfriend is attending Highschool with me. He is in my choir class and remebers me as Amys bestie. Well, we start to become friends, and actually end up becoming best friends as well. I have always had an easier time becoming friends with guys because I'm a bit of a tomboy myself. Well Bruce and I will spend the next 5 years as amazing friends. at the end of my Freshman year in highschool I was introduced to the Mormon church, took the missionary discussions and was baptized as a member of the LDS faith. I am still an active member today 9 years later. I stop hanging out with alot of the people I used to because of my new standards and morals, So at the begining of my 10th grade year I pretty much only talked to Bruce. Well I knew this girl from kindergarden and she became a good friend her name was Stephanie, we did alot together even though she came from a strict home we found ways around it LOL. then there is Jenny she was a friend of mine but we never really were good friends. I then met Barbara Milner thru church and we became and still are best friends. I hated her at first but soon found we had tons in common and too this day we are still great friends, even tho she is married and lives in sacramento now. I met her about 11th grade. well I met some good people here and there and found a group to kinda attach to to eat lunch with, including, Clarice, Alton, Heather, Blake, and Rebekka. I guess you can say I felt alone most of the time even in a group of people, and honestly its not until right now in this moment I realize how many people I had met in my life. I was in choir all 4 years of highschool. and singing is my passion, my dream and soon to be reality!

All thru these years from 5th grade until I graduated I was depressed and suicidal, I faked my smiles and played along taking life a moment at a time, just waiting for the next fat joke or bully to come my way, and sure enough I was never let down. I would be late to class in order to avoid crossing the quad at school when it was full of people because when I did the laughter and remarks would follow! one such that had the greatest impact was the mooing at me by the hicks at my school. I cant remember or count how many times I cried wishing I could be dead, never been born, or someone else. another remark that hurt was the earthquake jokes that would happen at every PE class from 6th grade until 11th grade. I would skip PE or ditch in order to escape the harassment. Middle School and High School were HELL on earth for me with little moments of light.

Sunshine in the dark.... Well choir! I loved choir, I felt safe and at home on that stage, When I am singing I am the realest version of myself. Alton wrote some fun version of Smallville and we would read it durning lunch period. and Then WORK EXPEIRENCE!!! yes I got to leave school early and go to work.. 1 hour shorter day at the hell high school!

So lets see. 5th - 12th grade were filled with bullying, teasing and depression. I pulled myself thru with a new found faith in a higher power my Heavenly Father, grasping on as tight as I could to that little glimmer of hope that he loved me, and that with him I could pull thru and graduate. Well I did. May 2003 my name was called I stood up in my Gold graduation cap and gown walked to the podium shook the pricipals hand recieved my diploma and screamed to my family in the stands! It was finally over and I could move on with my life!

Well since then I have been to Spain, New York, Nashville, Texas, Hawaii, Alaska, Oregon, Washinton, Colorado, Lived in Idaho and Santa Barbara, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Arizon, Nevada, New Mexico, and went to a few colleges, I may not have my degree yet but I will soon. I have worked at the same job for the last 8 years now and trying to save money.

I have been in one abusive relationship and learned many lessons.

I have been in love with my best friend and deal with those feelings everyday.

I have been living most of my life until now in a LIE... keeping me from seeing anything good in myself, I saw only what others said I was, UGLY.... WORTHLESS.... GROSS..... I lived life thru a mirror that was broken, pieces of me were gone and missing, pieces shattered so far that they were unrecognizable. I had no clue who I was or what I wanted! I DIDNT WANT TO EVER LOOK IN THAT MIRROR! FOR FEAR SOMETHING ELSE WOULD BE GONE OR THE MIRROR WOULD BREAK MORE.
I am now on the path to recovery from bad lifestyle choices and living a healthier life now. I have a trainer and eating healthy!

I am empowering myself and I am finally able to truly LOVE MYSELF. I am no longer lost about who I am. I am no longer allowing myself to be someone im not just to fit into a mold. THERE ARE NO MORE EXCUSES! every action I have taken has brought me to where I am at right now, I am Jennifer: beautiful, funny, loyal, respectful, enthusiastic, excited, energetic, happy, smart, creative, talented, spontanious, adventuraous, loving, caring, unstoppable, determined, musical, and most of all I AM ME!!!!!

I love you all and because of the trials God has blessed me with throughout my life I am now a stronger more sympathetic woman. I have grown up and matured into the kind of woman I would want my daughters to be and my sons to marry! I will keep going down the path I am paving and continue to grow with each sunrise and each rainstorm!

Me at American Idol Audition 2010 :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Love is NOT blind

So the saying goes, "Love is blind". That is so not true.... so you may be asking why? I will share my opinion on this...

So its a hot fall evening and the conversation about attraction and dating and other such things comes up, Now I will tell you this is one topic that I just cannot keep my mouth shut about because I find todays ways of thinking disgusting and immature.

The topic was brought to a point of how being attractive and or attracted to a person is the most important and then personality! THAT IS DISGUSTING AND BACKWARDS!!!! I believe that someones personality is the most important thing of an individual and that is the only thing a relationship should be based on and everything else should, you know there is another saying that many people forget that says, " Beauty fades with time, but an ugly personality will always be the same." You see as we age the outward appearance will fade, YES, you can spend uber amounts of money on plastic surgery, face lifts, butt lifts, tummy tucks, a nip here and a tuck there and soon you look..... well ok so most likely youll look like a freak! REALLY.... MONEY DOESNT BUY BEAUTY! because no matter how many surgeries you have, they dont got a surgery to give you a better personality. I have to say there are many times that I have heard this same concversation, about how some guy, is ok with being friends with someone but, EWWW I would never date them have you looked at them! hmmm... whats wrong with this, It was just stated the other night in a conversation with a male lets call him MOGLEY, well here is what he said.... " HOW CAN YOU DATE SOME ONE IF YOUR DISGUSTED TO TOUCH THEM"   WOW!!!! talk about harsh, so ok this is sad I mean here is a person I thought would have class, have respect, be a guy who has more respect for a woman then just how her outward appearance is, BUT no... I was wrong... You see, Guys will pass over the girl who heaven forbid, is overweight, short, too tall, maybe has a different look, wrong hair color, has freckles, or maybe they wear glasses, But hey they all get there chance sooner or later, (hopefully they hold out hoping one day a guy can get off his high horse get over himself and figure out that its not what the person looks like that matters)

     Ok so heres a little history about me. I have been overweight since I was in the 4th grade, So pretty much my entire life, So Believe me when I tell you that I know how it feels to be the punch line of many jokes, The victim of endless torment and teasing. to be pushed around and kicked, bullied everyday and made fun of everday of school from 4th grade until I graduated High School. Well do you think it has ended there>? NO!!! To this day I am still made fun of and teased, whether by people I know or someone makes a comment while im out at some place enjoying myself. I have spent My entire life trying to figure out why I had to be overweight, WHY ME!!! I mean I am an amazing person, strong, determined, Loyal, caring, and always there for the people who need me. I spent my entire teen years in massive amounts of depression, spending lunches sitting alone, or hiding from the tormentors. Not going to recess because I knew that if I went to the playground they were going to start laughin and calling me names. I failed PE because I was afraid to run and be made fun of, and I wouldnt change into PE clothes because the girls would make fun of me. Growing up FAT is not fun, It is a life of HELL literally being told everyday that you are ugly, a blimb, fatter, worthless, your a waste of space, marshmellow, cow, heffer and a never ending amount of names and jokes, it wears on a persons soul, I spent many times alone contemplating if it was even worth going on anymore, If I end it now then maybe everyones life would be better. BUT NO!!! that was not the answer, I had a purpose (even though I dont know what that is) to fulfill, I was just gonna have to suffer. and suffer i did every day of every year until 2010. This year I was at a major cliff in life and was about to fall over the edge, I didnt know where to go or what to do, I was lost and and had lost my identity, I didnt know who I truly was anymore, I had lost hold of my dreams and my goals, I let go of everything that meant anything to me to fall into a mold to please other people, well at this cliff just before I fell I found aid in my Godfather ( who is also my angel) he lead me to New Era, workshops for self improvement, Well those helped me find myslef, and empowered me to pull out, shift my attitude and become the person I had inside my authentic self.. THE REAL JENNIFER!!!

So no you know my story, lets get back to this love is not blind thing, I have been on 2 real dates and they were fun. but come on 2 dates in 10 years of dating aged life!!! REALLY! Ahh yes but remeber I am Overweight... HAHA guys dont want to date girls who are FAT... they want that girl that is skinny and who cares if she has a personality or not, SHE IS SKINNY!! so yes. Take for example. I had a best friend along time ago, we were best friends for 6 years.....yep 6 years. We were so close I knew his family he knew mine, we would always do stuff together, sing with each other, talk for hours on the phone about nothing and get lost in thos conversations, BUT.... no matter how close we were He said he would not date me, I asked him why once right before graduating High School and moving on to bigger and better things, and he said, Well I love hanging out with you, and I love your personality... BUT... well your just to fat... I was astounded by this, flabbergasted and speechless. I had nothing to say to him, EVER AGAIN, I have not talked to him since 2003 since that day I would never see or talk to him again, that disgusted me. REALLY, how can you be like that, so close, best friends, happy and want to spend time with each other, but because oh you dont have the right look, your not worth my time to call a girlfriend??? REALLY!!!

I now have the understanding that No matter what happens, at least now I LOVE ME!!! and my father in heaven loves me and honestly that is all that matters, Yes... I want the companionship of someone, but its not the most important thing anymore, I am sick of being rejected by guys because I am overweight, WELL GUESS WHAT!!! that can change with time, and guess what, I have the most amazing personality, I am fun, have a great sense of humor, Love to be outdoors, Loyal, caring, respectful, hard working, sympathetic, adventurous, spontaneous and BEAUTIFUL!!! INSIDE AND OUT....

Guys need to get over themselves and realize that even though a girl maybe DIFFERENT... doesnt mean that she is worthless. She may be the most amazing woman that they will never get to know

** p.s. this is not all guys just like maybe 90%, Thankfully there are those 10% that arent shallow or conceited to care about only what someone looks like!!!

Friday, September 24, 2010

lifestyles of the middle class

paydays are more like money exchanges. I am the middle man in a mass denomination transaction. I spread the money i worked so hard to earn out between two colleges, a loan, Medical bills, Doctors bills, and now a gym membership. I need to get back on track, I need to get my finances in order, or I am never going to be able to afford to go to college. Those things I am paying barely leave me enough money for groceries, Gas to get to and from work, and heaven forbid having any money to go out and have any fun with!!! Oh goodness.. I need to start paying my tithing and then have faith that things will get worked out. I have been to stretched with my money I have been so afraid to pay my 10% tithing to church beacause I didnt want to miss a bill or a payment, because unlike the church, those companies that arent getting paid will come after you and can ruin your life! Tithing is important to me, I have always tried to pay it and that is my problem!!! I have TRIED!!! now is the time to JUST DO IT!! like Nike says.. LOL

Money is tight and stress levels are high. I didnt want to spend money to join a Gym but, I need to get back into a healthy lifestyle, I need to lose weight so my future can fall into place! I will accomplish my GOALS which are my dreams! I will achieve them and follow them to the stars. I will shoot for the moon and even if I miss the moon well at least I know I reached the stars :) I will make the most out of everything Life my life to the fullest as much as possible and keep on trucking into a bright, mysterious and wonderful future!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

No U-Turn

So today is the first day of my new life!!!! WOOWOO....Well actually its another first day in another change in my life making it even better.
I had my first work out at the gym today! I joined Get Fit 24/7 . Its a 24 hour Gym and its hardly ever busy which is why I like it so much!!!

So I will be working out everyday after I finish work, I am going to get fit for a happier healthier future! I am excited. I am hoping to be able to budget enough money to maybe work with the personal trainer, so we will see. But one way or another I am gonna be looking amazing in one year I will be down to happy weight and still working to become the person I am on the inside and seeing that on the outside as well.

I am begining a new chapter in my life and will soon be accomplishing the milestones of weight loss I have set for myself. I'm excited and going to stay motivated. But hand in hand with Prayer and Scripture study, I will be able to accomplis anything!

So 12 month from now my goal is to be under 300 lbs. and I will be happy at any weight under that. after that I will stay fit and running my life with prayer and faith in God. I will reach a healthy BMI and be happy and healthy.

I am asking my family and friend to help me out by keeping me motivated or donating some money so that I can get caught up on some bills and help counter the cost of the Gym Membership and possibly a few sessions with a personal trainer.

I am taking care of buisness, getting finances back in order, and living life as much as possible.

I am greatful to all those people close to me that have helped and been suportive thru a hard last year, this last year was so hard in fact I gain 60 lbs in one year, which is terrible!

I am taking back my life from this disease I have, I am a food addict and today is a new step in the right direction, making my own path, throwing the fork out of the road, getting out my flashlight and water and hiking thru the brush, cutting my own pather as I go.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Life Too short

I remeber the day I found out that My best friend since Junior High was killed in a Hit-and-run accident like it just happened, It was a hot summer day on Thursday July 22, 2010. I was working like always at my desk when I logged onto Facebook to check my updates and chek on people attending my Highschool friends gathering. Well Amy lynn was one of those who were going to be in attendance, I scrolled onto her page and saw a message saying, RIP AMY. I freaked out and looked up her name in the local paper, When I read the story I freaked out, and could not believe that I was reading about My best friend, a girl the same age as me, someone I was close to and shared so many memories with, a Girl who was unfairly taken from this world by some idiot driver who has no remorse or care about another human being to hi someone, My best friend and then jsut keep on driving like nothing happened! My best friend AMY LYNN ALEXANDER was a wonderful mother to her two children a little girl and a little boy with autism. She cared for them and fought for them with all her heart and soul. Now What happened after her passing is even more shocking. The childrens Father, My best friends Ex husband, picks up the kids with his new fiance, New car seats and says that they are his kids and they will not be attending their mothers memorial service, and he also introduces the new fiance as their new mommy. SICK!!! there is still speculation that this certain individual is somewaht connected to My friends mysterious death. See she left her home Thrusday evening to go jogging with her niece whom is 10 years old. She posts a Facebook status saying" going running with my niece, gonna instill some healthy habits in her while she is young." Amy and her niece left there home traveling south on a country road about a mile from the home of Amy's sister. They stopped for a quick break  and some water, at which point they saw a White Chevy Suburban coming their direction they back up off the road toward a fence at the top of an incline, at which point it is said to seem the car sped up and swirved off the road toward them at which point dust flew and The vehicles passenger side struck Amy throwing her about 10 feet from where they were standing, Amy's niece only suffered a sore shoulder but will never forget the horrific scene of seeing her aunt laying lifeless on the side of the road. It is believed that Amy had pushed her niece out of the way before the car struck her saving her nieces life in the process. Amys nicec ran as fast as she could to a home nearby to call 911 by the time help arrived Amy had slipped out of this world and onto the next. There were candlelight vigils held in Amy's honor at the sight of the horrific accident where a Native American spiritual guide performed some custom rituals. I was able to help and attend a memorial service for Amy at Knights Ferry Recreation park, there was a short spiritual moment by a priest/native american, Sage was burned and spirits were cleansed. Amys family and friends shared memories and stories about the life of an amazing young women whom touched every persons life she came in contact with and was greatly loved by everyone who knew her. photos were looked at and shared. a small shrine of Amy's things was set up, a song was played in her honor and I sang a song called "If I Die Young" by the band perry in honor of this magnificent young women whom I was lucky to have been able to call My Best Friend. There have been leads but have lead only to dead ends in the attempt to capture the murdered who took a wonderful women from this world way too soon. But I still believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe she had accomplished the things here on earth she was supposed to or there are greater plans in store. We just dont know yet why she was taken but she is with God in a place so beautiful and is with her horses and rideing through the unfenced pastures of Heaven. She was and will forever be a cowgirl with the heart bigger than life itself. she was an angel on earth to everyone who knew her. She was and is loved by so many and will never be forgotten!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Adventures of Spontaneous Combustion

So traveling has been the biggest part of my life and one that I enjoy quite a bit! So lets start from the beginging, I think my love of traveling stems from my need to be a famous singer, out on the road on tour singing and entertaining my fans. I remeber joining the Foreign Language Club at my Junior High School and trying to learn every language I could, because "I Was Gonna Need It". well here I am at 25 I may not be this world famous singer yet but by Golly I am traveling the world! Upon graduating High School in 2003, I was given the oppurtunity to attend an educational tour of Spain! Yes I got to go flamenco across the country of Spain, From the ports of the Costa Del Sol to the BIG city of Madrid, I was floating on cloud nine. Well almost, if it wasnt for this being my first trip away from home and only my sister with me and me being seriously homesick the first 3 days it woulda been even more amazing! Well I still got to eat at a spainish McDonalds, Swim the medditerean sea, Roam through the streets of Cordoba, Play with Swords in Toledo, Run with the bulls and dance the night away in Seville, and roam the plazas and museums of Madrid. The people were kind and the food was interesting, bright colors and great places. From walking up the tallest tower with the steepest ramps, to visiting the place they filmed parts of Star Wars, to meeting new and interesting friends This trip was amazing!
  My next big memorable trip would have to be the most spontaneous. Satuday morning rolls around in 2005 and My family and I are just waking up early in the morning, we start discussing things to do and I say jokingly that we should jsut go to LA and universal studios, WELL thats exactly what we did, no planning, no place to stay we pack up the car pick up my friend and head South down interstate 5. Well that trip was AWESOME! we went to Universal Studios Rode the rides, played games, and then went to a live taping of a TV show! that was awesome and that was one of my first expieriences of singing in front of crowd of strangers, I wanted an autographed scipt so when the guy said who wants to sing us a song, I jumped up (literally outta my seat) and yelled HEY I DO!!! so I sang for that group of audience members between takes of the TV show with all eyes on me and even some of the actors still on set watching I belted out the song, I LOVE ROCK N ROLL! WOW That was a rush i will never forget and will want to keep expieriencing for the rest of my life! I got the script and was happy, the next day we went on a star homes tour and got to see the sights, visited the Kodak Museum where the academy awards and many other shows are filmed and had a grand ole time in Hollywood.
   The next memorable trip was when I flew to Texas so that I could drive home with my Best Friend Kris. See Kris is this amazing young woman who recently joined the ARMY. at first we werent really friends but soon became best friends after a comedy show, some laughter and many years of memories. Well Kris moved to houston to work and she was going to be driving back to California, well I flew there so that I could keep her company. that roadtrip was something I will never forget, from stopping in San Antonio and visiting the River Walk mall to Arizona and staying at a complete Bachelor pad and hanging out with some amazing friends (one of those boys would later break my heart). Hanging out with Kris was amazing, We took tons of pictures but better yet made lots of memories, from Remebering the Alamo to dancing at Coyote Ugly.
     NEW YORK CITY!!! yep got to go to New York, My mom was working of there doing some training for the USDA and was working at the Federal Market in the Bronx. Well seeing as she already had a hotel room which is one of the most expensive things to get when going to New York, My sister, Me and my Aunt decided we were going to go visit! and visit we did. WATCH OUT NEW YORK! I loved it there, For a girl who has music in her heart and a yearning to be on stage running through her veins New York was the place I wanted to be, The lights of time square were breath taking. well visiting Hard Rock Cafe and trying on a Sweater and hat, these ladies look back as the are walking out the door do a double take at which point i can hear..." Is that her, Oh my gosh it is" LOL made me laugh and smile! that is the feeling I cant wait to have for real when they are going to be saying that about me :) so we visited everything we could, China Town, The port, Boat tour next to elis island and statue of liberty, World Trade Center site, Rode the subway, Took a taxi, Rode the train to Grand Central station everyday, Played the Piano and FAO Schwarts, saw central park, watched the street performers, saw the empire state building and ate at Bubbas in Time square, and the most random, visited with a friend from back home who is living there! :)
    Nashville, TN. went off alone, boarded a plane and flew to Nashville, Following my dream, I was auditioning for a job to work at none other than DOLLYWOOD!!! it was awesome and exciting My bestie Kris who is currently stationed in Clarksville drove up with her friend and picked me up at the airport, then we headed off to my hotel, My room was on the 22 floor :) oh yeah it had a gret view :) so Kris and I went out, we walked down and saw the concert pavillion where the black eyed peas were playing and LMFAO was opening for them, come to find out later by seeing these bands in the elevator they were satying in the penthouse of my hotel! Kris and I walked the streets of nashville and had a grand time, We settled on dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe where we were invited to attend the After Concert party with Black Eyed Peas and LMFAO, Kris ahd to head back home so The party was unattended by me since I didnt feel safe going there alone late at night walking the streets of Nashville. Well I went to bed and arose the next day to the light of a new and exciting day. I got all dressed up did my hair and prepared for what could be a life changing audition, I headed down the elevator tho the terrace where the auditions were to be held. I sat and waited for the audition process to begin, I met an awesome girl named Miranda she is an amazing singer. Well the auditions were finished and I headed up to my room I was so happy to have just taking the leap to even go to Nashville alone and audition that I really didnt care all to much if I did get the job or not, I was hopin i would but who knows right (there is no script ...) Well soon after returning to my room I recieve a call from the front desk saying that two ladies would like me to meet them, Well i head back down and there is Miranda! She asks if I would like to go to lunch with them and I was like sure! Well I know that you shouldnt really get in a car with people you just met but they gave me the feeling that it would be ok, I never felt that It was a bad idea. well they took me to Cracker Barrel, OMG if you have not eaten at a Craker Bareel you better get yourself to one and try it cuz it was GOOOD! I had chicken fried chicken, lets just say YUM!!! well I was happy and having a great time with them, We headed back into dowtown Nashville, Parked out on a side street to headed down to a bar called Tootsies. upon exiting the truck this homeless man looking so hungry was sitting on the sidewalk next to the building, seeing as i could not possibly finish my meal I gave him what I had brought in my to-go container. I have never seen a man with so little Smile with such glory. or cry with such greatfullness, he even went and shared with the others that were around and homeless, that was a great expierence. We went to Tootsies and they have KAROKE! with a LIVE BAND! well I signed myself up and so did Miranda. Man Oh Man i Got that rush again up on that stage Singing to a huge bar full of people IN NASHVILLE!!!! it was amazing and I nailed it!!! well they dropped me off at the hotel we exchanged numbers and facebook info and they were off and headed back home to Illinois. and i was off to bed. Well after I stopped into the lounge a picked myself up a couple of shirley temples, took them up to my room and headed back to the restraunt and bought myself a valentines chocolate cake. Yep its valentines day.... so i got and amazing dessert and my shirley temples turned on a good movie and settled in for the night. the next morning I packed up and headed for the longest day ever. I spent all day in an Airport in Nashville, then almost missed my plane transfer in Houston, but was able to have my own row of seats and slept all the way home from Houston. That was ana amzing trip. I know your wondering if I got the job. No I did not get the job and I have not been back to Nashville (YET)
     ALOHA!!!! Maui, Hawaii for 7 days. We went and stayed at our timeshare. Me, Mom, Bridgette, McKenna, Tiffany, and her boyfriend Miguel. WE started our day by getting our excursion plans all mapped out. this is one time when we did have somewhat of a script outline for the week :). We started our vacation with bridgette, tif, and miguel awaking well before sunrise to go up to the top of the volcano haliakula to watch the sunrise and then bike back down when they got back we went to the Aquarium, and got to see all kinds of fish and play some interesting games, and interact with sharks. We then went out for pizza and had a good night back at the hotel swimming. the next day was all about snorkeling... OMG I Love snorkeling. we boarded our boat early in the morning and headed to the reef. we took a short lesson before deboarding our boat into the water. me with my underwater camera and fish all around, i started snapping pictures and discovering the wonderful sea life. soon it was time to depart and go to Turtle bay to visit sea turtles. I jumped off the boat and was off to discover the turtles and discover them I did not only were they big but they were so close.. they were beautiful and swimming with them was awesome. I snapped a few pics, saw some scuba divers following a turtle then headed back to the "underwater" tour. We boarded the ship and headed back to port as we were served food on our way back. one of the guys on the ship was hot his name was Makena, so we got a pic of Maken holding McKenna. the next day they 3 amigos went out for their zipline tour and had a blast and took a bunch of pictures while me mom and mckenna went shopping at the little shops that lined the streets nearby. the next day we headed to Hana. the Road to Hana is lined with dense brush and beautiful waterfalls. we stopped and hiked back to some and took some amazing pictures. we arrived in Hana and went and visited the seven pools took more pictures and then headed back to our timeshare. we drove past the restraunt Charlies... which is owned by Willie Nelson who was actually there the day we drove by I'm sorry I missed that oppurtunity.  SURFING!!! so saturday morning came and We all went surfing!!! I got up on my first try! it was exhilerating and scary at the same time. we took some pics and learned some tricks :). McKenna even got in on the action. We went out Geocaching that night and found a few and We all had a great time doing it. We attended a Luau that night and it was amazing and beautiful the dancers did a wonderful job and the music and food were fantastic. Well we did alot of swimming, got alot of sun, saw some cuties, Surfed, Snorkeled, Boated, Danced, Karaoked (yes i found a karaoke place and blew the audience away) shopped and took lots of photos.
    I have been to so many places... Like a cruise to Alaska where I karaoked every night and everyone on the ship new me and my family. A week in Portland to go to my cousins Graduation and staying at a beach front resort, finding sand dollars and meeting Sean Astin from the goonies at the house where Goonies was filmed. numerous trips to Minnesota when i was younger to visit Family and spending time at the Mall of America. Trips to disneyland both as a child and for my 24th birthday (which was free).Moving to Idaho and living for 4 month and attending school at BYUI, my first move away from home I was so homesick but was lucky enough to have great roomates and threw myself into my school work. A trip with friends to San Diego randomly meeting with church members from Arizona. Moving to Santa Barbara for a Month to escape an abusive threatening Ex. and living with my aunt and spending everyday on the beach and dancing and having fun with my cuz at night. A trip to San Fransisco where I would face my fear of heights with friends as we walked the Golden Gate Bridge then driving randomly to the beach in Half Moon Bay at like 11:00 pm at night. So many trips in such a short span of life.... and they are not over yet.... upcoming plans that may or may not change... another trip to Nashville, maybe a move to Santa Barbara.. and a possible trip to Europe
Traveling will always be a part of my life and now that I have learned to love flying I think I will take the workd by storm... Well keep a look out for my Tour bus in the near future cuz I will be touring and I will be coming to a concert venue near you in the future!

The above are some photos randomly from some of my adventures :)

For now the sponataneous combustion of travel will continue to grow and soon explode into my dreams coming true!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Life Through undefined eyes

My first expierience in music was when i recieved my first Dolly Parton CD when I was very young. I listened to that CD every cahnce I got! Dolly Parton has been my inspiration ever since I heard that first CD. I have read all about her and love how she Worked so hard to accomplish her dreams. her birthday is just 3 days after mine and she opened her amusement park the same year i was born 1985. I aspire to be a singer somday and be famous, when I meet that goal I want to be a positive role model for the youth of the present and future. Life through undefined eyes has endless possibilities. I travel as much as I possibly and financially can. Life throws so many obstacles as we grow up wheter they come in the form of school mates teasing and making fun of you everyday or if it comes in the form of a guy whom you thought you could possibly love forever breaking your heart. but with the right attitude and the right outlook those obstacles will make us stronger and grow into the most real and authentic form of ourselves. being able to overcome and let go of those things from the past makes us better and more prepared for the future. I have faced many ibstacles through the years, form being overweight all my life and being made fun of constantly, to fighting with low self esteem but a drive to be noticed, to struggling with emotions of not being good enough and thoughts of suicide, and being in a toxic relationship involving alcohol and an abusive male. I always find it hard to find the words to describe how growing up with the self doubt of being good enough and balancing that with a heart that is being driven to be the center of the stage lights and singing with all my soul to an audience of thousands maybe even millions. I have been driven by my devotion to music to sing every chance i get, even when i feel as scared as a 12 point buck during hunting season. even through the stage fright I wanted to be the best i could be, which led to me feeling the most comfotable and the most confident while up on stage under the brightness of the stagelights. I went through most of my life depressed but when i was in stage singing I was so happy and nothing else seemed to exist for that short moment. Church is another big part of my life i joined the Mormon (LDS) church when I was 16 and am still an active member to this day. I believe that the LDS doctrine is true and love the teachings that can be found within the pages of the scriptures. Those books have always been a huge guidance and strength to me in hard times along with prayer. I have found who i really am through the many trials that have happened in my life, I have written alot in journals while sitting on the beach in Southern California, listening to support from numerous family members and attendind a self inporvement workshop, through all these outlets I am able to find my true self the superwoman who was hiding behind undefined eyes waiting to be defined, I have been able to define those blues eyes, Beautiful, Caring, Loyal, Respectful, Creative, Talented, Adventurous, Spontaneous, Loving, Exciting, Happy, and ready for the amazing future that awaits in this unscripted life that we live!