Friday, October 22, 2010

MED Exams

Its like when your going in to take finals for classes, but you werent given anything to study!

Well I went in and got some testing done on my heart and lower extremities.
I had an Echocardiography done and Lower Extremity Doppler Sonogram and pressure testing done

Lets start with the Echo Cardio first.
Everything came back good. My heart is normal, I have a mild left atrial enlargement but it is absolutley nothing to worry about and the mitral valve is normal and opens adequatley, but does have a trivial mitral reguritation. Also something the doctor says is absolutely nothing to worry about.
She says everything looks fantastic.

When they got back my results for the lower extremity pressure test it was abnormal and they wanted to do further testing so they sent me for a Doppler Sonogram, I finally got the results back today! EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!! YAY!!! what a relief! no plaque buildup, no blockage, no restrictions, no closures, and the veins look great.. So I am absolutley RELIEVED!!!!!

ALSO GOOD NEWS!!!  My blood pressure has been steady and NORMAL.
I am eating healthy 1200 Calories a day
Working out 5 days a week twice with a great personal trainer, Pushing myself!!!
Keeping track of all my food intake.
Not eating any sugar
Not drinking any Soda
I havent had a headache in almost THREE WEEKS!!! :)


Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Well I am sure you have all read about my life stories and journeys but let me share a bit about how My life was flipped UPSIDE DOWN.

Ok so you may be thinking... WHOA... having your life flipped upside down isnt such a good thing, Well maybe not unless your life was upside down to begin with? :)

Well that is exactly how mine was, upside down, distorted, confused, whatever you want to call it... I woul like to call it CLUTTERED!!!!

I had lived my life gathering.... gathering bad expiences, bad memories, sad times, harsh feelings, death, holding on to loved ones, holding onto myths about who I was, and not knowing the Facts about who I REALLY AM!!!

But January 2010 came along. I was turning 25!!!! yep 25 years old and I knew it was time to make some changes because the way life was going for me was not right, I was at my lowest point, Lost and spiraling out of control, I didnt know which way was up, down left or right, I was just there in the moment living not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. I did know one thing I had to change something before it was too late. I didnt trust anyone. I didnt want to be friends with anyone. I had cut my best friend out of my life completly and didnt trust him. I didnt talk to my family because I didnt trust them I was scared to be close to anyone, because I didnt want to get hurt, because that it what i let myself believe that everyone would just hurt me.

WELL!!!! that has all changed Thanks to some Self Improvement workshops called New Era Trainings. I cant go into detail about anything we did in those classes But they helped me to trust again, They helped me to find out who I truly was. I was able to find my core being, my true self. I became centered in my being. Focused on the future. Happy, Positive, Hopeful. I was able to trust and return to a normal life. I have become an entirely different person then I was a year ago.

Lets compare...                                                                      This YEAR
Last year 
Taking anti depressants                                                               NO MEDS!!!!-
Taking Anti Anxiety pills
Taking High Blood pressure meds
Loss of intrest
Depressed                                                                                   HAPPY
Suicidal                                                              LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE
Hopeless                                                                                    HOPEFUL
reclusive                                                                                  OUTGOING
negitive                                                                                     POSITIVE
losing faith                                                                      STRONG TESTIMONY
bad choices                                                                   CHOOSING THE RIGHT
drinking                                                                                          SOBER :)

And I may have not went through every class that The New Era had to offer but just going throught the first workshops was enough for me, They WERE priceless, I came out with a UNCLUTTERED AUTHENTIC VIEW OF MYSELF! I was also able to stand firmly for my beliefs and standards, From that moment the testimony in my bosom grew and has been blossoming into a beautiful rose. I just need not forget to water it :)

So for me my life was flipped upside down and I was able to declutter all that garbage I was carrying around with me, I was able to find myself inside a wharehouse full of false images, bad memories, and harsh feelings that I had been storing, and I was able to walk out of there hand in hand with my real self finally reconnect and HAPPY!!!!

SO..... even though we cant change the past our attitude about the past can change, we can learn from it, let go and move on.

" Its our Attitude Not our Aptitude That will determine our Altitude!!!"


Friday, October 8, 2010

The unknown path

We all walk this path of life differently. We all encounter different struggles and different people. Some will have a rougher path than others and some will have a nice clear path. God has sent us here to grow and learn as we walk the road of mortality. I have come to find that even though my path has been full of rocks, mountain terrain, brush, thorns, darkness, it has also had its beaches, lake, and beautiful sunshine.
 I have learned alot from the path I have been making, There were times I would stop and just sit in the middle of the road and not want to go any further, That is when my friends path would come across mine, stop awhile pick me up and tell me that I needed to keep on moving. There were moments when I didnt feel Gods presence at those moments i felt the most despair and lost, at those times I felt as life want worth living anymore. I came close to letting go, but in those darkest scariest moments is when I lsiten for music, and it picks me up and draws me to it back out of the darkness. At the times in my youth of endless torture and bullying I found it harder to hear the music but somehow was able to get myself away from the dark thoughts of ending it all and bettering the world because I was not in it anymore. I found that through writing and listening to music I was able to escape the reality of the moment and escape into my dreams. Through walking this rugged path I have strengthened my feet to endure anything that my path has in store for me in the future. I have grown as my UNKNOWN PATH has been revealed moment by moment and day by day. I only recently found the joy of the unknown and cant wait to see what is in store. I have been blessed by the many trial and obstacles I have faced and will continue to grow with each new passing day. The future will be amazing because I will be strong and make the future what I want. If its to be its up to me. I will fight everyday to follow my dreams, I will fight anything and anyone who gets in my way. I am stronger now and am moving into a wonderful unknown future!

like one of my favorite quotes says:
"You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one."
Henry D. Thoreau

 (That hammering and forging comes from the trials and obstacles we face throughout our lives, without the lessons we have learned and with out the knowledge of overcoming and growing from thos trials we would noit be ourselves, we would not ...have the drive to move and push forward to accomplish the things we dream of. We will never accomplish our Goals without first endless hard work. I am running full force into the future, I cant wait to see what is in store, BECAUSE ITS GONNA BE AMAZING!)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Life DOES have a soundtrack!

So as previously discussed in recent posts I have been working out 5 days a week and will now soon be starting my 8 sessions with my trainer. I am really excited because this is all part of my plans for the future. WELL!!!!

Imagine if you will 5 years old and you hear this voice, and that voice just happens to be Dolly Parton, and from that point on, for the rest of your life, All you have ever wanted was to be a singer, and like Dolly Parton Share your talents with the world! Well this is my story! I, at 5 years old, heard Dolly and fell in love with music, I didnt know at that point how important music would become to me in the future. I love to sing, I have always loved to sing, Being on stage is the one place where I feel the most comfortable and confident. I Never had self esteem growing up as my previous post about me growing up I was always overweight and hated myself but put me on stage and all of that went away. Had I not had music I probably would not have made it through my teen years. While I was going through depression I threw myself into writing lyrics, random lyrics about how I was feeling, I think that writing out those feelings, helped me to keep myself somewhat grounded and kept me from actually commiting suicide. It created a temporary escape when times got really bad. I keep the lyrics still today to remind me about what I went though to make me the amazing woman I am today, I Learned so much from my past and even though it was hard at the time it shaped me to be who I am. Music has been the most important thing for me, On a normal day you can find me working in my office and singing away to music on the radio, my ipod, or on my computer, in my car driving ill be singing to whatever song is on the radio, walking thru the store, SINGING :) working out i sing, in the shower i sing ( come on who doesnt LOL), Someday I will achieve my goal of becoming a singer, but for me its not about the fortune and fame, yeah that stuff is nice, but mostly its about following my dreams after ovecoming the bullying and other obstacles from my past. I want to be able to have influence and be able to help more young people who are struggling. I want to be able to use the expierences that I have went through to help others overcome the things they are facing. I want to be able to use my talents to help make others overcome there obstacle. I will follow my dreams forever, Always reaching for the stars,

As I go through my life the music in my soul, Heart and head is always turned on. Their is a song for every memory and a song for every event. The soundtrack of my life is one that has songs from ever corner of the music world, from classical to hard rock to country and pop to rap. Music is my life and my lungs are filled with music notes that just come out with every breathe.

Music to me is like breathing it is something that is need for me to live it is a part of my sould it is who I AM!

This soundtrack is never ending