Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The pursuit of the elusive unicorn.

As I search for the elusive unicorn. I see a beautiful world, full of life, full of goodness, full of potential. I look in the mirror and for the first time, I see all those things in me. I see the beautiful woman standing in front of me, a woman with so much potential that its scary, a woman that is so full of life when she is happy that people cant help but smile and be happy in her presence, I see and influential member of society who WILL make big changes in the world in the future. I see the woman I am and the woman I will be someday.

Who am I and who will I be:
I am talented
I am loving
I am sensitive to peoples needs
I am goal oriented
I am driven
I am loyal
I am supportive
I will be a great mother
I will be a great wife
I will cook dinner for my family
I will raise my family in the Gospel of Christ
I will bake with my family
I will go on spontaneous trips with my husband and family
I will love my future husband with everything I am
I will give my future husband back and foot massages
I will make a huge change in the world and be an influential member of society
I will be a great role model and example to the world

Even amongst the rejection and the feelings of low self worth I am climbing out of a hole, I will find the light and tak of running. Even amongst the Shallow, self indulgent, superficial males I am CONSTANTLY surrounded by I am coming to find my own and realizing I am so much better than they are because I can see past the false beauty to what really matters, WHO I AM INSIDE...thats all that matters. I finally know that despite not being good enough for those guys that I Love, The propably dont deserve me anyways, but not only that they wouldnt be prepared or man enough to be my husband anyways.

I have found the elusive unicorn and it does exist... INSIDE ME.. My heart is unique, my soul is unique, my love is unique, my personality is all my own, I am amazing, I am beautiful, I am majestic, and have so much to offer to the right person, I will have patience and with Heavenly Fathers guideance and love I will find my way. I will conquer all my (blessings) trials, and I will become the woman he has planned for me to be!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Icing on the cake

Well I have never been a materialistic person. I never find jo in buying things, or having things purchased for me. I am always a careful shopper and never really buy stuff that is not a nessecitity.
I always feel bad when others buy me stuff because until now I never felt like I deserved anyone to buy me anything.I have come to start to realize my potential, and finally knowing who I and realizing what great self worth I have. I now know that I deserve alot more than I allow myself to have.

I went shopping last night to buy a new jacket and ended up with a great coat, two pairs of amazing shoes, and a blue shirt ( a color I normally would not wear) but I love them all. I came to realize last night ( Thanks to an amazing friend and amazing young man) that its ok to let people do something for you. Its ok to let people spend money on you. It kinda made me force myself to realize that I am special, That I do deserve to be treated, instead of always treating others.

The clothes only excentuate the person who wears them, Its funny how looking good can make a person have so much more confidence. I felt like I could stop a crowded room and have all eyes on me. I felt like I was walking on the moon. I felt like I could touch the stars. I was happy, its funny to look and think, It wasnt so much the "THINGS" that were bought but the confidence, the love, the hope, the excitment and the things I learned that have made me happy. Its not the materials that life is made out of its how we wear them....

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Game Over You Lose

So recently I have been taking inventory on the "CLUTTER" in my life.
Sorting thru the mess that I am surrounded by and figuring out how to clean it.

Recently I have some amazing spiritual moments.
I have grown and matured so much.
I am glad to finally know who I turly am without the "CLUTTER" and Who I can become.
I know a little about what my future has in store for me and what great things lie ahead. They wont be easy but I am prepared!
I am 26 and too old to sit around and play games with people. I need to focus on my future and figure out what people are going to be there. I need to figure out what people are ready for what is in store for me and who will be strong enough to endure it with me and support me through it.
I need to focus on finding my eternal companion, someone who will support me in all my endevours, travel the world with me, raise a family centered around the teachings of Christ, some one who will love me for all that I am, and be there for me in all that I will do.
I need to start thinking about my future family and I am preparing for them now.
I am 26 years old and I am an amazing young woman, a choice daughter of God, and I DO NOT deserve to have my heart played with and my emotions messed with. I deserve to be treated with respect and intergity, and most of all honesty. I deserve the best.

So I am done playing Games
My heart is not a toy.
My love is not a game.
You had your chance for something that would have been amazing.
You are losing the most amaazing woman you met.
You are too blind to see the great blessing God has given you.
I am sorry
I could have loved you.
But if this was a game
you lost