Saturday, October 1, 2011

The looking glass reflects the realities of life

There are moments in life when you look at certain aspects of life.
I have been sitting here trying to figure things out.
I have been pondering some interesting things, I mean ok, A guy and a girl can be amazing friends, trust each other, talk for hours, enjoy spending time together whether its going out and dancing, hanging out with friends, sitting and playing video games, or just sitting for hours and listening to music and nothing else.I find it funny how you can love everything about a person but still not love them or want to be "with" them.
stopping to look into the looking glass the reality sets in, our society has placed SOOO much emphasis on the way we look. Looking into the mirror I find myself scrutinizing everything, I find myself dwelling on how much more weight I need to lose and not on how much I have achieved already.

I look and think how many girls are in my same situation being in love with someone they will never bne with.

I sit and ponder this: why is that a girl can be a guys best friend and he talks about what he wants in a girl, someone he can talk to and laugh with, someone that is adventurous and like to be outdoors, someone who wears their makeup a certain way or dresses and certain way or even will sit and listen to music or play video games for hours. BUT... even though you and him to that all the time and his "girl" has all the same attributes you have, He wont choose you, you have everything he is looking for EXCEPT: how you look.

as i peer into the looking glass everyday that reality reflects back to me... that I have all the qualifications he wants in a girl, Im pretty, im adventuraous, we enjoy spending endless hours together even if we arent doing anything,dude he will even make out with me BUT... becuz I am not that skinny "HOT" girl he is looking for he doesnt want  to actually be in a relationship with me. looking at myself all I can do is think that Im not good enough and that takes me back to dwelling on what I need to lose... what I need to change... makes up some lame excuses... OMG! really... but I have to give him credit for at least being upfront and honest about it right....

I try to focus on me, I know who I am, I have my identity , but I have one big piece of clutter still left in my life... The clutter that I am never gonna be good enough until I am skinny, until I become that "hot" girl, that perfect girl, that one that he wants....

The one that most guys want, being raised in a society where looks are the basis of a relationship, and even when you get to know a person and they have all the personality qualities you are looking for you still dont accept them beacause they may be overweight...

so when i peer into the looking glass the reality that has been reflecting to me the past few weeks is that I have a long way to go before being accepted, before I will be close enough to even think you may look at me different. I have loved you long enough, I owe you the world for showing me my heart again.

I will say this I am tired of the shallowness and superficialness that I am surrounded by, being a girl in my position being in love with someone who will never love her back is devestating and lonely... it sucks and I cant take it anymore!!!!

I honestly cant wait till next year and my plastic surgery.... Im so over this

1 comment:

  1. I did a double workout today despite an aggravated injury. Then, when I wanted to go run after work even though I know I hadn't even eaten enough to cover what I had done today, I had to remind myself that thin is not well. Reaching that magic number does not make the world magically better nor does it make him magically want me. So instead, I took a nap and ate mac n cheese (and kept it down!).